NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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