If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
