we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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