sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize