Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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