The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
