My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
