these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
