haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
