I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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