I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
