My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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