im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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