He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
