We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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