he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
