pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
