No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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