I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
