I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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