You're so nebulous sometimes
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
