I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bring money and cleavage
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
