Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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