She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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