I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
