Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
