My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
