I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
