hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
