Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
