I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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