So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
