if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
of course. lets lasso hookers.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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