I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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