I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
