You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
