I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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