You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
