I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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