Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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