May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
