I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my shit smells like andre
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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