his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
