But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
