Whoa Z and x make the same sound
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
