My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
