Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
