We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
