Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
