who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
