with your own penis?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I love you.
Bad choice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
