The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
