why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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