Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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