I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
love makes seman taste better
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
