I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
