she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
