Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
