She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
