went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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