hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
