For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
