just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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