Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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