he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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